Triangulation: What It Is and How to Deal with It

Have you ever felt like someone was trying to manipulate you by involving another person in your relationship? Have you ever been caught in the middle of a conflict between two people who wanted you to take sides? If so, you may have experienced triangulation, a form of psychological manipulation that can be harmful and toxic.

In this article, we’ll explore what triangulation is, how to recognize it, why people do it, and how to cope with it. We’ll also provide some tips on how to avoid being triangulated or triangulating others.

What Is Triangulation?

Triangulation is a term used to describe when a person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation to divide and conquer others. It can be used by people with insecurity, narcissism, or borderline personality disorder ¹ ²

Triangulation involves three roles: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer. The victim is the person who feels helpless, powerless, or oppressed by the persecutor. The persecutor is the person who blames, criticizes, or attacks the victim. The rescuer is the person who intervenes, supports, or defends the victim ³

However, these roles are not fixed and can change depending on the situation. For example, the victim can become the persecutor by accusing the rescuer of being disloyal or unhelpful. The rescuer can become the victim by feeling overwhelmed or exploited by the victim. The persecutor can become the rescuer by offering sympathy or assistance to the victim ³

Triangulation can occur in various settings, such as family, romantic, friendship, or workplace relationships. It can also happen online, such as on social media or online forums. Some examples of triangulation are:

A parent who complains to their child about their spouse, making the child feel guilty or conflicted.
A partner who flirts with someone else to make their partner jealous or insecure.
A friend who spreads rumors or lies about another friend to isolate them from the group.
A coworker who involves a third party in a dispute with another coworker, seeking validation or support.
A user who posts negative comments or reviews about a product or service, hoping to influence other users’ opinions.

Signs of Triangulation

How can you tell if you’re being triangulated or triangulating someone else? Here are some signs to look out for:

You feel like you’re being manipulated or pressured to take sides in a conflict that doesn’t concern you.
You feel like you’re being excluded or ignored by someone who used to be close to you.
You feel like you’re being compared or contrasted with another person, either positively or negatively.
You feel like you’re being used or exploited by someone who only contacts you when they need something.
You feel like you’re being lied to or deceived by someone who changes their story or contradicts themselves.
You feel like you’re being controlled or coerced by someone who threatens to end the relationship or harm themselves or others.
You feel like you’re being betrayed or disrespected by someone who shares your personal information or secrets with others.

Why Do People Triangulate?

People who triangulate others may have various motives, such as:

To avoid responsibility or accountability for their actions or feelings.
To gain attention, sympathy, or validation from others.
To boost their self-esteem or ego by feeling superior or powerful.
To cope with their insecurity or fear of abandonment or rejection.
To express their anger or resentment towards someone who hurt them.
To create drama or excitement in their lives.
To test or sabotage their relationships with others.

Impact of Triangulation

Triangulation can have negative consequences for everyone involved, such as:

It can damage trust, communication, and intimacy in relationships.
It can cause stress, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem in individuals.
It can create conflict, resentment, or hostility among groups.
It can interfere with personal or professional growth and development.

How to Cope with Triangulation

If you’re being triangulated or triangulating someone else, here are some steps you can take to cope with it:

Recognize the signs and patterns of triangulation and how they affect you and others.
Set healthy boundaries and limits with the person who is triangulating you or who you are triangulating. For example, you can refuse to engage in gossip, rumors, or lies. You can also decline to take sides or offer advice in conflicts that don’t involve you.
Communicate directly and honestly with the person who is triangulating you or who you are triangulating. For example, you can express your feelings, needs, and expectations. You can also ask for clarification, feedback, or apology if needed.
Seek support from other sources, such as friends, family, or professionals. For example, you can talk to someone who can listen, empathize, or offer guidance. You can also join a support group or seek therapy if necessary.
Focus on your own well-being and happiness. For example, you can practice self-care, pursue your hobbies, or set your goals. You can also work on your self-esteem, confidence, or assertiveness.

Conclusion

Triangulation is a form of psychological manipulation that can be harmful and toxic. It involves using threats of exclusion or manipulation to divide and conquer others. It can occur in various settings, such as family, romantic, friendship, or workplace relationships. It can also happen online, such as on social media or online forums.

Triangulation can have negative consequences for everyone involved, such as damaging trust, communication, and intimacy in relationships, causing stress, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem in individuals, creating conflict, resentment, or hostility among groups, and interfering with personal or professional growth and development.

To cope with triangulation, you can recognize the signs and patterns of triangulation, set healthy boundaries and limits, communicate directly and honestly, seek support from other sources, and focus on your own well-being and happiness.

Remember, you deserve to have healthy, respectful, and fulfilling relationships with others. Don’t let triangulation ruin them. 🌟

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